Here we are 6 and a half months post-op

Its interesting .. for some reason I have not wanted to blog. It was a physical reaction. Every time I thought I should blog I felt sick to my stomach. I am not sure why. Lack of motivation? Summer time blues? Not enough time? Who knows.

I finally got back on because my boyfriend (that's right I have one now) is taking a class that requires him to blog. Since he needed help getting signed on I thought I would come over here and take a look at mine.

Here is my update.

I am down 88.5 lbs!!! I feel great. I am in the mid-teens.
I am down a total of almost 80 inches.

I went to a dance the other day and some one asked me how I was doing (they had not seen me in a long time) and I replied.. it feels great being able to come to a dance and not be the fattest person there. She just laughed and said I am sure it is. You have no idea!

I still have body image dysforia .. this is where you do not see your body for what it is. I still see myself as being FAT FAT FAT .. which I am .. but I only need to lose 2 points of my BMI to be below the "morbidly obese" category.

For the first time since they made body fat monitors that you hold in your hand or stand on etc, I am NOT 50%. If anyone very overweight has tried them you know that the max number on it is 50%. I have never seen anything other than 50% as a reading on there. Two weeks ago, I got on my BMI scale and weighed. I wrote down all the numbers, weight, body fat percentage, muscle percentage, water percentage, BMI, and calorie count to maintain the current weight. It was not until I got back to my computer that and was putting the information into the spreadsheet that I realized that it say 48.4% body fat!!!! I had to stand up and do the hokie pokie dance just a little. What a freaking great feeling that was!

So now that I am down in the teens, I have two races going on. One to my 100 lb mark and the next to be under 200. These two marks are less than 6 lbs from each other .. the 100 lb mark will put me at 205.8. Really I just want to skip that and be 198! It will be here.. this I have faith in.

Next up in my life is my new guy. On New Year's day I made a resolution to stay single for the year while I and working on myself. This resolution actually lasted longer than most of my resolutions. I stayed single for over 7 months. He is very encouraging and supportive. He even made it through my "cleansing days"! Well he did ask me to eat something :) I think he begged me to eat something!

I finally went and bought new underwear. Wow what a difference .. I had to buy some 3 sizes smaller .. haha .. the old ones were hard to give up but I needed to move on.

It feels great being able to fit in booths, fit on rides, go places that before I would never have accomplished.

I went to the county fair and went on three rides. I would never ever have tried those rides before.

Last night we were at the park and someone asked if I had played "pickle ball" I said.. um .. I just lost 88.5 lbs and before that I have never played any sports/games so all of these games are new to me. Even volleyball. I am enjoying learning these games and playing with my man.

Here are some updated photos:

Happy to be down 50+ pounds or am I?

I want to lose weight faster, but I am not doing what it takes to make it go faster. This is why I had the surgery done. If I had not had it done, I would totally be gaining weight right now. I went in to a "give up" mode. I haven't given up, because seriously .. I can't. I am so thankful for that! I am also very glad I am writing this blog. It is nice to see that only two posts ago I was struggling with getting down to the 250's now I am struggling with getting down to the 240's. It shows progress. Progress I forget. I forget because of these little struggles.

Some days I feel good about my weight loss. Some days.. especially when I see pictures of myself, I feel like I have so much more to lose. I see other people's weight loss as being so much greater than mine. As of today I am down 53 pounds. I didn't even weigh myself yesterday because I was so unhappy with the scale. I would struggle down a couple of pounds then the next day get on the scale to see an entire week's worth of weight loss gone. That sucks!!! I keep reminding myself .. its water weight .. its water weight. I even talk to my scale. Ok.. be nice to me today. What??? I told you to be nice today.. what's wrong with you .. damn scale!!

Another mind game that plagues me is that it seems that whatever slight I receive I automatically perceive it as being related to my weight. For instance, I was at a party and got interrupted during my introduction, however crazy it sounds, I immediately thought, he wouldn't have done that if I was skinny. At this same party, there was a member of the band who I met a long ass time ago, but he didn't seem interested in dating. He was there with his girlfriend who was just "overweight". (We are all relegated to my, normal weight, over weight, obese and morbidly obese now!) I immediately thought, it was my weight that kept him from asking me out. Truth is I always feel that way if someone is not interested in dating me. Another example was at two concerts I went to. Even though I was the first person to get a kiss from Russell of Air Supply, I felt slighted later when we were all down front by the stage. I knew for positive that it was because of my weight. I was watching another band play at a local bar and the guitarist came out to the crowd, he came up close to all the skinny girls, but he kept his distance from me. Of course, I assume this is because I was the fattest person there. Are all of these truths? Its possible. It is also possible, I just perceive them as slights and would have happened even if I was skinny. Will I have these same weird thought patterns when I am skinny? Will I think.. they only like me because I am skinny.. If I was fat they would not pay any attention to me. Who knows. If I wasn't such a self-analyzer I wouldn't have anything to write about on this blog. :)

Taking pictures

One thing I have noticed is I am taking more full body pictures. I haven't purposely done that for quite some time and a good reason why I was in such denial. So if I keep in mind that comparing what I looked like just three months ago to what I look like now it is a difference.

Speaking of that .. here is a before and after 50 pounds picture. Thanks to Andi for taking the before picture as I am not sure I can find a full body of just me photo.

Loose skin ... will I have it?

I was at the rec center swimming, when I notice a lady come to the pool. I was doing exactly what I hope people do not do to me while I am walking around in my swimsuit. I was judging her. It was not a mean judgement. I wanted to talk to her. She obviously had lost a lot of weight. She was wearing a bathing suit that showed off a LOT of saggy skin. Arms, legs, back and stomach. She was not fat at all. I worry I am going to look like that. If I do, will it prevent me from wearing a bathing suit? I wanted to know how much she started out at. How fast she lost her weight. Does she regret it? I think if I would have been at the edge of the pool at the same time she was I would have broached the subject. The problem is .. would she be offended?

For my birthday, which is on May 4th this coming Wednesday, I received 10 LipLaser sessions from my mom. She has had this done. My research into this shows that it is not for obese people, but since I am losing the weight it will be a nice booster. A main reason I want to get this is it does skin tightening. Will this make a difference? I figure if it does, I will have it done periodically throughout my weight loss so that at the end, hopefully the saggy skin won't be as big of a problem.

Priceless! My daughter who weighs 125 pounds, was complaining about the back of her legs and the bumps she sees there. She sees me putting on my shorts and she says, "Oh now I know where I get those lumps in my legs from!" Brat!!

Its all in the mind!

The other day both of my boys needed to use the cars, so I was left with driving one of the scooters. It is humorous because what I saw in my minds eye was, I am sure, not what other people were seeing.

I saw myself as one of those bitchin' Harley chicks. Not the hard core dikes. (No offense meant, but being from San Francisco, its what they would have called themselves.) I am thinking of the sexy playboy bunny looking Harley chick. I felt so good, I took a picture of myself. Reality wasn't anything near my mind's eye, but I was still feeling good. Here I am:

Feeling sexy?

I found that it really does make a difference the clothes that you wear. I found that wearing clothes that fit me and were cute made me feel a lot more sexier. In my last post, I commented on not feeling sexy like I did last time I weighed 250. I went to a party the other night and wore my new jeans and a cute top I had from before and felt a lot better about myself. The other day I went to a party and was able to wear my size 22 jeans. They were still a little tight, but I was able to wear them and still be fairly comfortable in them. There was a little buzz kill when I had someone take a full body pic of me and then I looked at it. Ug .. I just have to keep reminding myself that at least its not me looking at a pic of me being 300 pounds!!

Here is the pic they took...

And the pic I took to make myself feel better!

Swimming

This last week has been crazy with finals and papers due etc. so I did not make the time to go swimming. I almost put down that I couldn't but the truth is I didn't. I am sure I could have made the time if I really wanted to. But my point in writing this, is I went swimming and I actually saw someone else who swims in the lap pool with a snorkel! The poor guy probably thought I was crazy. I told him how glad I was that FINALLY someone else came to the pool to swim laps that doesn't know how or who can't swim like the professionals. I told him I was going to write about him in my blog. I didn't ask his name as he really didn't seem like he wanted to chit chat. (Is it because I'm fat?)

I am thinking of writing up my swimming regimen. It seems to work really well for me. I can feel my muscles through the fat now!!

I do 20 minutes of swimming with fins and weights. Each lap I use the weights differently. Going one way I swim on front holding the weights out in front or on side hands up or down with the weights barely beneath the water. Coming back I swim on my back holding the weights out at side or close to side hands up or down. I really feel the muscles working on all parts this way. I take a break for a few mins while I am holding the weights together directly below my chin. I use my chin to push the weights below the water. Great neck/chin workout. I then use the snorkel and swim for 20 minutes. After that I use the weights with the snorkel which gives more of a water aerobics while swimming. Lap going one way I do a front to back motion with the weights like I was running with the weights. One arm forward while the other is going back. On the way back I do arms out at side then down underneath me to touch sort of like a butterfly motion. All the while my legs are getting a work out with the fins. Those fins make a HUGE difference and I would definitely recommend them. Maybe someday when this all works out, I will make a video :)

Recommending

I am sure I sound like a preacher to those I talk to who are considering weight loss surgery. It has already made such a difference in my life. I complain about struggles, but in truth, I would have these struggles in my life no matter what, at least now I get to have them while I am losing weight.

If you have any questions please feel free to email me at msdms at y mail dot com. That really is ymail not yahoo.

This will be a great week!! I am positive I will reach my weight goal. Only 2.9 pounds to go until I am in the 240's. My birthday is on Wednesday!!! Support Group is Thursday evening. I am having lunch with some long lost friends. And last but not least... this semester will be over!!

I am grateful I was able to have the Sleeve Gastrectomy. It has made a huge difference in my life!!

What size am I?

It was a lot of fun trying on my black jeans and having them fit me after taking that picture of them not fitting me. So, yesterday I decided to buy a couple pairs of jeans in the next two sizes down so that I could gage my weight loss by fitting into the jeans.

I have been so intent on my weight loss goal of 250 by my birthday, that the interim weight loss just seem like numbers. I have lost 48 pounds as of today. I have a big benchmark coming up in 2 pounds, but I am more interested in 7.8 pound benchmark. In reality I want to see the 7.9 pound benchmark. The problem with seeing these benchmarks so close is I do not appreciate these other pounds I have lost.

My point in bringing this up is that by fitting into these jeans it will help me appreciate the little scale movements along the way.

Someone asked me the other night what size pants I wore when I started this. They were 26 stretchy. This means I could not fit into a regular size 26 so probably a 28 or 30. I do not know because no one local carries those sizes. The black jeans I was able to put on a few weeks ago were a size 26. They fit me now to where I can wear them and sit in them very comfortably. I went to Wal-Mart last night to buy some food, and walked past the women's department and saw some jeans on sale so I bought two pair. One a size 24 and one a size 22. I didn't try them on.

As I am getting ready for bed I remember the jeans. Its about midnight. I take out the size 24 jeans and try them on. Imagine my surprise when I pull them on and go to button them up to find that they button very easily. I can sit in them easily and comfortably!! I was sooooo glad that my son Roberto was still up. He was in bed, but I had to go show him. Next I went in and tried the size 22's. They were tight but I was still able to button them and zip them with not much struggle! My poor friend .. she got a long text last night after midnight. This is an exciting day. I am wearing my new jeans to work today!

I find it quite interesting that in 2006 I weighed around 250, but for some reason I felt a lot sexier then than I do now. I think it had a lot to do with my friend Eddy. I blogged before about my experience with Eddy under the BBW post. I mentioned this to my son last night, that I felt sexier in 2006 than I do now. His brilliant reply that his 17 year old brain made was, "I think its just age mom." Hmmmmm ... BRAT!!! That was only 5 years ago! Talk about a buzz killer!

This is me 5 years ago, when I thought I was sexy. I can see it in the stance.

I want to get that mindset back. I want to feel sexy like that again. I look in the mirror and I just see fat. Very fat. Yes I am glad I am not as fat as I was at Christmas last year, I don't even want to remember how fat I was then, but I am still very fat.

I am very glad to have my new friends from the support group as my friends on Facebook. But it is funny to see that most of them have started at where I am now and have lost weight. I have lost 48 pounds to be where they were when they started. Oh well.. at least I am not where I was and will never be there again.

Grocery Shopping

It has been a long time since I have been grocery shopping. When I would go grocery shopping, it was for immediate needs. Such as, we are having a BBQ and need condiments, etc. My poor boys. All their friends have moms who cook for them. My kids all know how to cook and I am not sure what they eat, but they are still living so they must be eating something. Its sad but its true.

Last night, I decide to do some grocery shopping. I bought water, eggs, milk, cheese, pepperoni, crackers, (these last three to take to work today for all of us to snack on during this stressful day when people think their taxes are due) several different kinds of fruit, and three fresh crock pot dinners. My son, Roberto, went shopping with me. He went to get the non-food items while I was getting the food. When he caught up with me, he asked, "Um.. what's all this stuff?" "Who is going to cook it?" When I got home, my son Carlos asked, "What is all this junk, and what am I suppose to eat?" How sad is this?

I know that my boys are trying to eat healthier so I hope I will be a better influence on them instead of it always being the other way around. If I send Carlos to the store to get something he always comes back with some fruit. So I wonder if he was surprised that there was a lot of fruit in the groceries?

On another note

I was contemplating on waiting until after tax season to have the sleeve gastrectomy done, but then chose to have it done right after first peak. My reasoning was .. why wait .. I could have it done now and lose 30-40 pounds by the end of tax season. Well its very possible I will be down 50 pounds by the end of tax season. I am sooooooo glad that I had the weight loss surgery when I did. I am soooooo grateful I was able to start this journey. I paid cash for this and do not regret a single cent.

My recommendation

If you are looking at having weight loss surgery, my recommendations would be: (I am, of course, not a doctor. These are just my opinions and what my research has taught me.)

Lap-Band for those of you only needing to lose 60 pounds or less. This really isn't for those of us that are morbidly obese. If you choose this route, make sure that you do the follow up visits. Make sure that you have your lap-band serviced regularly.

Sleeve Gastrectomy I would recommend this for people who are morbidly obese, but do not have medical issues relating to such high weight. This has worked great for me. I am very very satisfied with this surgery. I am able to eat what I want, but just very limited in quantity. I have not had it long enough to tell you if I have any problems with mal-absorption, but my research has told me that this type of surgery doesn't have that big of a problem with mal-absorption. There wasn't any bypass done, so everything should be fine.

Gastric Bypass I would recommend this for people who are morbidly obese, and have issues with diabetes. What I have heard is that the "dumping syndrome" that is caused by eating sugary or high carb foods is such a bad side effect that people will tend to stay away from those types of foods which will therefore help the diabetes.

We have all searched for that magic pill to help us lose weight. This has been my magic pill. I am so glad that I took it.

Scale Addict and Measurements

Hello, my name is Dwan and I am a scale addict!! I shake my head as I write this, but I know it is true. I keep telling myself that I need to weigh only once a week. But every single morning I wake up, I can not help myself. I can't even sleep in anymore because as soon as I wake up I tell myself I need to get up and weigh myself. I lay there an think.. no you are not going to weigh yourself .. go back to sleep, but the idea of seeing how much if anything I have lost is just too irresistible.

Of course when I am hitting a benchmark its worse. I had to write this blog today because I think I am insane. I have been very close to being in the 250's. My scale for the last few days has read:

Monday: 262.3
Tuesday: 262.5
Wednesday: 261.3
Thursday: 261.8
Friday: 261.4
Saturday: 260.3

Up until now I have been taking only a half of my water pill. I decide that now I am going to take a full water pill, just so I can make sure I meet this benchmark. I mean I have less than half a pound to make it. So I want to ensure I make it because I know my scale loves to play games with me.

This morning is Sunday. Sleep in day. I am exhausted. What time do I wake up?? 7 A.M.!! For those of you that know me .. this is just unreal. Can I go back to sleep?? Of course not!! Because what do I have to do?? Weigh myself .. because what if??

I get up and do the morning routine, come on you know what it is. Get up .. potty... did I potty enough?? Lets sit here just a minute more to make sure. Then strip. You know those panties and t-shirt must weigh a pound or two. I even got my legs and armpits waxed yesterday so I don't have to worry about leg hair weighing me down. I pull the scale out from the wall to the exact point I do every day. I have little lines in my linoleum so I know exactly where my scale needs to be. I toe it into position. I push my toe on it to get it to light up. I wait for the little 0.0 to show up and then I step on it. I position my toes on the scale so they are exactly lined up with the outside of the reader. And I wait. It goes through its little slot machine roll. And bam.. 260.1. Are you kidding me??? I start talking to my scale. Come on.. be nice to me. You do not want me to be disappointed do you?? Stupid scale!

So I decide that its obviously too early to weigh myself. I go back to sleep right after I take another full water pill. I decide that I am going to weigh myself after I get up at a decent hour. I sleep until 10:30. I get up and go through my routine again. I coach my scale to give me some good news. Slot machine roll ..... bam 260.0. Now my scale goes by .1 pounds so all it has to do is go down by .1 and I am in the 250's. Come on scale.. whats wrong with you! I get off the scale. I step back on placing my feet to the outermost area of the scale. Slot machine rollllll ... bam 260.0 Damn scale! I do this process a couple more times. Then I lose it and I weigh myself while I'm holding onto the towel rack. Nice!!! I'm 232!! Some day!! Then I take one more measurement and its still 260.0.

I realize that I am now officially crazy. I laugh at my antics. What does it matter if I am in the 250's today or tomorrow?? I know I am going to lose it. I post my official weight today in my spreadsheet as 260.0. I am now down 45.8 pounds and have exactly 10 pounds to lose to my first big weight loss goal. It is three and a half weeks until my birthday so I am going to be ahead of the game!

Measurements

Good news!!! I am now no longer as fat around as I am tall. I have lost about 6 inches in my hips which is the biggest measurement I have. Fortunately, the bariatrics department gives you a measuring tape that is 72 inches long instead of the regular measuring tape that is only 60 inches long. My beginning hips measurements was 64.25 they are now 58.5 inches. Yes that is still big .. but at least I am officially taller than that :) I lost 6.25 inches in my waist. 3 inches each in chest, ribs, and each thigh. My total inches lost is 37.75.

Miscellaneous

I feel a lot better. I swam laps with my dumbbells three times last week.

One of the things I want to work on is my eating. I am eating a ton less, but I am still not eating healthy. I know that unless I fix this, I will not be able to maintain my weight once I lose it.

I had a great time at the support group this week. There was a vibrant speaker there and it was fun to chat with my new friends.

A problem I am having is constipation. Yea .. not a topic one likes to talk about, but hell.. I have talked about everything else .. so why not! I know that my bowels are not getting hydrated enough, therefore they are constipated. I have been taking my chewable fiber pills, but they are not helping. I have very small irregular bowel movements. I ran across someone who does Colon Hydrotherapy and I think I am going to consult with them. I used to think that was weird, but right now the thought of hydrating my colon sounds very nice and comforting. I will keep you updated on that.

Best wishes, love, peace and happiness!!

I am very grateful I was able to have the sleeve gastrectomy. It was worth every single penny!!

Bathing Suits and Big Boobs Ug!

Now I have heard over the years there are very few women who like going swimsuit shopping and who do not get depressed viewing themselves under the fluorescent lights in the dressing room mirrors in these ill-fitting swim suits that show everything. I was having this experience yesterday as I was swimsuit shopping yesterday.

I am not sure why it is but it seems to me that every swimsuit I have tried on in the past and yesterday all have that "pretend bra" in them. I guess its padded there so that it can offer some support and cover your perky nipples when they hit the cold water. The problem I have with these swimsuits is they all seem to come with a B cup bra in them. I don't know many women my size who can fit into a B cup so this means anyone trying on a swimsuit my size is going to have failure. We are already having trouble as it is finding a swimsuit in our size why put the added failure of making it not fit right and leave things bulging out where they shouldn't be???

My first stop in my swimsuit shopping was a local thrift shop. Let me tell you, most of the swimsuits I tried on there were practically brand new. You know why?? Because as they didn't fit me I am sure they didn't fit the woman who bought them so she didn't wear it. They probably did as I used to do and bought them without trying them on. I tried on four swimsuits there. All in my "size". They were all listed as 3X or a size 24W. I was ready to cry each time I put one on.

You do not get my size and not have a bunch of gobblely gook under your arms and rolls on the side of your back. I don't know about you, but I do not want to show the world this. I want a swimsuit that covers/hides it. Two of the swimsuits I tried on were halter style suits. This means they barely covered the "girls" and didn't cover any of the under the arms/side of the back stuff. Two of the bathing suits were shoulder straps but for some reason they felt they should put the boobs around the belly button. WTF??? I was really hoping I could find a swimsuit at the thrift shop as I have ambitious plans to not fit in it long.

Being here in this little city, we do not have a whole lot of options, so after leaving the thrift shop, wanting to cry, I decided to head over to Wally World to see what they had out. At the last moment I decided to turn left instead of right and ended up at Kohl's. Kohl's does not have a huge selection of plus size clothes, but they are usually a nice selection. I was about to give up on finding a swimsuit there when I accidentally came across a half rack of suits at the very very back of the section. I was looking at the sizes and became very irritated when most of the suits were a size 16 or 18, they had a couple of size 20s and ONE size 22. There happen to be a sales associate standing nearby and I asked her: "Is there a reason Kohl's stops at size 22? I mean there are several women here that are bigger than a size 22." She said: "I do not know, they must not be very popular." Being already depressed from the last store I did not, at the time, find this very humorous! I know she was referring to the swimsuits, but the way it came out I just wanted to bite her head off. Good thing I didn't.

She told me to try the suit on and if I found a style I liked we could scan the ticket and see what size they had it available online and they had free shipping. So I took the only size 22 they had to the dressing room. There is something to say for spending more money on a bathing suit. I tried on the swimsuit and just stared into the mirror. I couldn't believe it.. it actually fit and looked nice and covered everything that I wanted it to cover. For the first time in my life as a fat chick, I found a bathing suit that actually fit and looked nice. As it turned out, the same sales associate was in the dressing room as I was walking out very pleased with the suit. I stopped long enough to tell her I took back everything I said and I was very pleased with the swimsuit and thanked her for encouraging me to try it on.

On the next note: I am down 42.1 pounds today!!! I might change to weighing once a week as I am still struggling day to day with water weight, but I am pleased with my weight loss. Only 13.7 pounds to my first major weight loss goal that I plan to meet before my birthday. May 4th for all of you wanting to know! I am very excited about this! My current weight is 263.7. It is strange but I have to stop myself when I think about my weight. I keep thinking that I am still 300 pounds. I am now officially in the mid-200s. My next goal will be my grandson's birthday and I would like to be down 30 lbs by then. It is at the end of May so I think it is a pretty reasonable goal. I will have some great before and after photos then. I have not posted any pics of me from my grandson's first birthday because of how horrible I look in them. (Personal opinion I know)

I went to the doctor's office last week (not the surgeon) and he was very impressed with my weight loss. I was down 43 pounds by his scale in just over 2 months.

I am continuing my swimming, but it seems I only go about twice a week, maybe now I will go more with my very nice bathing suit. I have fixed my problem with the mask. I now use the cap, goggles, nose plug, snorkel and fins. I swim laps for about an hour then I go to the kiddie lap pool and use the dumbbells the pool provides and walk back and forth while keeping the dumbbells under water and working on different arm muscles. I may still look like a retard, but I feel very good while and after I am doing it and NOW I wont be flashing everyone at the pool.

Here are the photos:

My new swimsuit. I look at this and I really like the suit, of course I want to be a lot thinner, but it is what it is.



This is what they were seeing while wearing my other swimsuit. I felt very self-conscious wearing it like I was exposing too much on purpose.



My new swim gear.



My fins. These fins actually give my legs a great workout, much more so than swimming without them.



I am very very grateful I had the Sleeve Gastrectomy. I would recommend it to anyone considering weight loss options and they have a lot of weight to lose.

Water water water .. UG!!

Water pill or no water pill. Am I the only one that struggles with this? I don't want to keep using this as a crutch, but it seems like I do over and over again. This time I lasted an entire week before caving and taking one.

It all started out with reaching that small goal of being in the 260's. It happened for a day. One day. Then I went camping. I was down 37.7 lbs the day I went camping.

We went to Zions National Park with our trailer in tow. Zions is well known for their fantastic hiking trails. We got there fairly early. Ok early for me which was before dark. George and Carlos took off on the scooter and Roberto and I decided to take a drive through the park. We stopped at one of the shortest hikes there. Its called Weeping Rock. This trail is only a quarter of a mile long, but very steep. I wanted to tackle this hike now that I was down some weight as the last time I went I stopped half way up it and used the excuse there was too much ice and I would fall. Roberto being the sweet guy he is offered to pull me along. About half way up I had to stop to let my heart rate slow down and catch some breath. I told Roberto to go ahead and wait for me at the top. After one more stop and every one passing me I made it to the waterfall. My throat was burning and my nose was running and I thought I was going to pass out, but I made it!! After taking about 5 minutes to get my heart from pounding out of my body, I got to look around at the fall. It was very pretty. I thought for sure I must have lost 10 lbs with that hike.

Here is the proof!



The next day, the cutest grandbaby in the world showed up and I went over to the river beach and played with him feeling really good that I was moving around instead of just being lazy and staying at the camp. I won't mention that my three boys were off hiking/climbing the Watchman mountain which took them about 3 hours. Someday I will go with them!!

As usual, I ate some of the food, but not much. The second day my mom came and took us to dinner, I didn't order anything just took a couple of bites from her plate. Didn't even eat the huge dessert she ordered. I was planning on hitting the 40 pound mark when I got back.

Well wouldn't you know that I struggle with every single little benchmark so why should this one be any different? I got home and weighed the next day and after not weighing for three days I had gained a pound. WHAT?!?! Grrrr!!! I started a detox program the night before and thought maybe it was my body getting used to that. I thought I was going to wait it out. I know its impossible that I actually gained fat, so it had to be water weight. For whatever reason my body was holding the water. The next day I gained a half pound, then the next day was a pound and the next day was another pound. You can only imagine my dismay!! WTF!!! For me to actually gain a pound I would have to eat about 5,000 calories. That is enough over what it takes to maintain the body weight I have right now to actually gain a pound of fat. I would put my calorie intake between 1,000 to 1,500 a day. I should be losing weight. So this leads me to believing this is water weight. I wake up and my face is all puffy and I just know its going to be a bad day on the scale.

So why is my body struggling so bad with water weight? I have mentioned this in past posts. I went to see my surgeon yesterday and he didn't have an answer for me. So I will have to go on my theory alone. It must be the types of food I am eating along with getting frustrated over not losing weight or gaining weight that I know is water so taking my water pill, but not liking the water pill so only taking it a couple of times so my body is reacting to that by holding more water. My water pill I am talking about is a prescription I received while seeing the Fat Doctor. Thats what I called her she was a physician specializing in bariatric diets. Its called Maxzide with 75mg of Triamterene and 50mg of HCTZ. The HCTZ is the diuretic or what helps your body release water. I used to take this every day. When I tried to get off of it I was miserable. My body swelled up so bad it hurt. It took me quite a while before I could stop taking it completely. This is why I do not want to get into the habit of taking it again. Another big reason I don't want to take it is because my friend who is also taking the same for high blood pressure ended up in the hospital when they doubled his HCTZ to 25mg. Holy cow! I was taking twice that for about six months.

Needless to say when the scale went up to 273.3 today I took the damn pill. I will deal with the consequences later!

On a good note:

The docs official weight loss for me is 34.4 pounds. This is not where I wanted it to be, but dang its still good. I got the clearance to only go back every three months. My blood pressure was 124 over 80. I am happy with that. The doc assured me the need to burp every time I eat will pass.

You might recall that I made a commitment to purchase the family annual pass to the rec center. I kept that commitment. I purchased it about a week and a half ago and used it for the first time tonight. I had a blast!! And I went all by myself. I called all of my kids (hello.. this is the reason I bought the FAMILY pass!) to see if anyone would go with me. Every single one of them were busy. Hmmmm .. I am thinking they just knew that I was going to show up like the nerd who goes swimming, snorkle, face mask, and fins with the little blow up sea monster that fits around your waist. Well I had everything but the floaty. I don't need one, I float very well all by myself.

So I show up to the pool with all my equipment and the lap lanes are full. I am not sure why I thought I would go unnoticed, but I did. As I am walking to the lap lanes and I see all the swimmers who know how to swim making great laps, I think "maybe I will just head to the kiddie pool and walk around". That did not happen.. well not yet anyways. A very cool rec center worker asked me if I wanted him to find me a lane. I said .. um no I think I will just head over to the kiddie pool. He said .. no.. let me find you a lane. These guys will share with you. Um.. well... ok.. I say thinking that this was crazy and wanted to just crawl in my bag of stuff. He found me a lane alright .. sharing with mister "I have been swimming for 20 years" in a speedo and goggles. Are you kidding me?? Isn't there any little old ladies or a kid who also doesn't know how to swim?? Oh well... what can I do but jump in. We agreed (me and my lane partner) that I would stay on one side and he would stay on the other. Thank God I took my equipment out of the packaging BEFORE I got there at least I didn't have to look like a dork who just bought the stuff. I pretended like I knew what I was doing. I was practicing for my diving trip to Hawaii of course!! I put my mask on then attach the snorkle. I get in the pool and then put the fins on. Trying my hardest to look like I knew what I was doing .. all along knowing I was looking like a complete dork. I put my head in the water and start to go .. two feet later I am up sputtering and trying to pull my mask off because it is full of water. Ug! I can't reach the ground because in those two feet it has dropped to at least 6 feet. I am surprised the life guard didn't jump in! Fortunately, my mask is fogged up as well so I can't see if anyone is laughing their asses off at me. I dump the water out of the mask and try again.. it takes me several laps before I decide to try the snorkle with just the goggles (you know the ones that just cover your eyes). I only go a few feet before knowing for sure this is not a good idea. I can not breath underwater without getting water up my nose. So I settle back in using the face mask with the snorkle. I deal with the water and actually end up doing laps for about an hour. I didn't count how many laps I did, I just know for every one I did my lane partner did two. Oh well .. who cares. I was happy I was exercising and enjoying it. I later went into the kiddie pool and walked the length using the water dumbbells the center provides. It was very cool and I stayed there in the kiddie pool for another half hour and felt great!

I have made a mental shopping list. I want to get a swim cap as my hair kept getting caught in my mask. I want to get a nose plug so I can swim with the goggles and the snorkle. I want to get a bathing suit. Swimming in shorts is ok but they do not dry like a suit would which means different short each time I go swimming. I have learned that I need to use the kiddie pool first to do my laps with the dumbbells because it closes 2 hours before the lap pool does.

So the question will be.. will I go shopping tomorrow or swimming.

I am so grateful I had the Sleeve Gastrectomy. Even through all of the struggles I am over 30 pounds less than I was at the beginning of the year!!

Ok get ready for a laugh.. here are the pics!

Here I am in my gear!



Well I deleted the fins picture. I think it was showing off the "girls" more than the fins and that was not my purpose. :) Sorry guys!!

Here are the swimmers in the next lane which were swimming like the pros

Being more active and its fun!