What size am I?

It was a lot of fun trying on my black jeans and having them fit me after taking that picture of them not fitting me. So, yesterday I decided to buy a couple pairs of jeans in the next two sizes down so that I could gage my weight loss by fitting into the jeans.

I have been so intent on my weight loss goal of 250 by my birthday, that the interim weight loss just seem like numbers. I have lost 48 pounds as of today. I have a big benchmark coming up in 2 pounds, but I am more interested in 7.8 pound benchmark. In reality I want to see the 7.9 pound benchmark. The problem with seeing these benchmarks so close is I do not appreciate these other pounds I have lost.

My point in bringing this up is that by fitting into these jeans it will help me appreciate the little scale movements along the way.

Someone asked me the other night what size pants I wore when I started this. They were 26 stretchy. This means I could not fit into a regular size 26 so probably a 28 or 30. I do not know because no one local carries those sizes. The black jeans I was able to put on a few weeks ago were a size 26. They fit me now to where I can wear them and sit in them very comfortably. I went to Wal-Mart last night to buy some food, and walked past the women's department and saw some jeans on sale so I bought two pair. One a size 24 and one a size 22. I didn't try them on.

As I am getting ready for bed I remember the jeans. Its about midnight. I take out the size 24 jeans and try them on. Imagine my surprise when I pull them on and go to button them up to find that they button very easily. I can sit in them easily and comfortably!! I was sooooo glad that my son Roberto was still up. He was in bed, but I had to go show him. Next I went in and tried the size 22's. They were tight but I was still able to button them and zip them with not much struggle! My poor friend .. she got a long text last night after midnight. This is an exciting day. I am wearing my new jeans to work today!

I find it quite interesting that in 2006 I weighed around 250, but for some reason I felt a lot sexier then than I do now. I think it had a lot to do with my friend Eddy. I blogged before about my experience with Eddy under the BBW post. I mentioned this to my son last night, that I felt sexier in 2006 than I do now. His brilliant reply that his 17 year old brain made was, "I think its just age mom." Hmmmmm ... BRAT!!! That was only 5 years ago! Talk about a buzz killer!

This is me 5 years ago, when I thought I was sexy. I can see it in the stance.

I want to get that mindset back. I want to feel sexy like that again. I look in the mirror and I just see fat. Very fat. Yes I am glad I am not as fat as I was at Christmas last year, I don't even want to remember how fat I was then, but I am still very fat.

I am very glad to have my new friends from the support group as my friends on Facebook. But it is funny to see that most of them have started at where I am now and have lost weight. I have lost 48 pounds to be where they were when they started. Oh well.. at least I am not where I was and will never be there again.

Grocery Shopping

It has been a long time since I have been grocery shopping. When I would go grocery shopping, it was for immediate needs. Such as, we are having a BBQ and need condiments, etc. My poor boys. All their friends have moms who cook for them. My kids all know how to cook and I am not sure what they eat, but they are still living so they must be eating something. Its sad but its true.

Last night, I decide to do some grocery shopping. I bought water, eggs, milk, cheese, pepperoni, crackers, (these last three to take to work today for all of us to snack on during this stressful day when people think their taxes are due) several different kinds of fruit, and three fresh crock pot dinners. My son, Roberto, went shopping with me. He went to get the non-food items while I was getting the food. When he caught up with me, he asked, "Um.. what's all this stuff?" "Who is going to cook it?" When I got home, my son Carlos asked, "What is all this junk, and what am I suppose to eat?" How sad is this?

I know that my boys are trying to eat healthier so I hope I will be a better influence on them instead of it always being the other way around. If I send Carlos to the store to get something he always comes back with some fruit. So I wonder if he was surprised that there was a lot of fruit in the groceries?

On another note

I was contemplating on waiting until after tax season to have the sleeve gastrectomy done, but then chose to have it done right after first peak. My reasoning was .. why wait .. I could have it done now and lose 30-40 pounds by the end of tax season. Well its very possible I will be down 50 pounds by the end of tax season. I am sooooooo glad that I had the weight loss surgery when I did. I am soooooo grateful I was able to start this journey. I paid cash for this and do not regret a single cent.

My recommendation

If you are looking at having weight loss surgery, my recommendations would be: (I am, of course, not a doctor. These are just my opinions and what my research has taught me.)

Lap-Band for those of you only needing to lose 60 pounds or less. This really isn't for those of us that are morbidly obese. If you choose this route, make sure that you do the follow up visits. Make sure that you have your lap-band serviced regularly.

Sleeve Gastrectomy I would recommend this for people who are morbidly obese, but do not have medical issues relating to such high weight. This has worked great for me. I am very very satisfied with this surgery. I am able to eat what I want, but just very limited in quantity. I have not had it long enough to tell you if I have any problems with mal-absorption, but my research has told me that this type of surgery doesn't have that big of a problem with mal-absorption. There wasn't any bypass done, so everything should be fine.

Gastric Bypass I would recommend this for people who are morbidly obese, and have issues with diabetes. What I have heard is that the "dumping syndrome" that is caused by eating sugary or high carb foods is such a bad side effect that people will tend to stay away from those types of foods which will therefore help the diabetes.

We have all searched for that magic pill to help us lose weight. This has been my magic pill. I am so glad that I took it.

Scale Addict and Measurements

Hello, my name is Dwan and I am a scale addict!! I shake my head as I write this, but I know it is true. I keep telling myself that I need to weigh only once a week. But every single morning I wake up, I can not help myself. I can't even sleep in anymore because as soon as I wake up I tell myself I need to get up and weigh myself. I lay there an think.. no you are not going to weigh yourself .. go back to sleep, but the idea of seeing how much if anything I have lost is just too irresistible.

Of course when I am hitting a benchmark its worse. I had to write this blog today because I think I am insane. I have been very close to being in the 250's. My scale for the last few days has read:

Monday: 262.3
Tuesday: 262.5
Wednesday: 261.3
Thursday: 261.8
Friday: 261.4
Saturday: 260.3

Up until now I have been taking only a half of my water pill. I decide that now I am going to take a full water pill, just so I can make sure I meet this benchmark. I mean I have less than half a pound to make it. So I want to ensure I make it because I know my scale loves to play games with me.

This morning is Sunday. Sleep in day. I am exhausted. What time do I wake up?? 7 A.M.!! For those of you that know me .. this is just unreal. Can I go back to sleep?? Of course not!! Because what do I have to do?? Weigh myself .. because what if??

I get up and do the morning routine, come on you know what it is. Get up .. potty... did I potty enough?? Lets sit here just a minute more to make sure. Then strip. You know those panties and t-shirt must weigh a pound or two. I even got my legs and armpits waxed yesterday so I don't have to worry about leg hair weighing me down. I pull the scale out from the wall to the exact point I do every day. I have little lines in my linoleum so I know exactly where my scale needs to be. I toe it into position. I push my toe on it to get it to light up. I wait for the little 0.0 to show up and then I step on it. I position my toes on the scale so they are exactly lined up with the outside of the reader. And I wait. It goes through its little slot machine roll. And bam.. 260.1. Are you kidding me??? I start talking to my scale. Come on.. be nice to me. You do not want me to be disappointed do you?? Stupid scale!

So I decide that its obviously too early to weigh myself. I go back to sleep right after I take another full water pill. I decide that I am going to weigh myself after I get up at a decent hour. I sleep until 10:30. I get up and go through my routine again. I coach my scale to give me some good news. Slot machine roll ..... bam 260.0. Now my scale goes by .1 pounds so all it has to do is go down by .1 and I am in the 250's. Come on scale.. whats wrong with you! I get off the scale. I step back on placing my feet to the outermost area of the scale. Slot machine rollllll ... bam 260.0 Damn scale! I do this process a couple more times. Then I lose it and I weigh myself while I'm holding onto the towel rack. Nice!!! I'm 232!! Some day!! Then I take one more measurement and its still 260.0.

I realize that I am now officially crazy. I laugh at my antics. What does it matter if I am in the 250's today or tomorrow?? I know I am going to lose it. I post my official weight today in my spreadsheet as 260.0. I am now down 45.8 pounds and have exactly 10 pounds to lose to my first big weight loss goal. It is three and a half weeks until my birthday so I am going to be ahead of the game!

Measurements

Good news!!! I am now no longer as fat around as I am tall. I have lost about 6 inches in my hips which is the biggest measurement I have. Fortunately, the bariatrics department gives you a measuring tape that is 72 inches long instead of the regular measuring tape that is only 60 inches long. My beginning hips measurements was 64.25 they are now 58.5 inches. Yes that is still big .. but at least I am officially taller than that :) I lost 6.25 inches in my waist. 3 inches each in chest, ribs, and each thigh. My total inches lost is 37.75.

Miscellaneous

I feel a lot better. I swam laps with my dumbbells three times last week.

One of the things I want to work on is my eating. I am eating a ton less, but I am still not eating healthy. I know that unless I fix this, I will not be able to maintain my weight once I lose it.

I had a great time at the support group this week. There was a vibrant speaker there and it was fun to chat with my new friends.

A problem I am having is constipation. Yea .. not a topic one likes to talk about, but hell.. I have talked about everything else .. so why not! I know that my bowels are not getting hydrated enough, therefore they are constipated. I have been taking my chewable fiber pills, but they are not helping. I have very small irregular bowel movements. I ran across someone who does Colon Hydrotherapy and I think I am going to consult with them. I used to think that was weird, but right now the thought of hydrating my colon sounds very nice and comforting. I will keep you updated on that.

Best wishes, love, peace and happiness!!

I am very grateful I was able to have the sleeve gastrectomy. It was worth every single penny!!

Bathing Suits and Big Boobs Ug!

Now I have heard over the years there are very few women who like going swimsuit shopping and who do not get depressed viewing themselves under the fluorescent lights in the dressing room mirrors in these ill-fitting swim suits that show everything. I was having this experience yesterday as I was swimsuit shopping yesterday.

I am not sure why it is but it seems to me that every swimsuit I have tried on in the past and yesterday all have that "pretend bra" in them. I guess its padded there so that it can offer some support and cover your perky nipples when they hit the cold water. The problem I have with these swimsuits is they all seem to come with a B cup bra in them. I don't know many women my size who can fit into a B cup so this means anyone trying on a swimsuit my size is going to have failure. We are already having trouble as it is finding a swimsuit in our size why put the added failure of making it not fit right and leave things bulging out where they shouldn't be???

My first stop in my swimsuit shopping was a local thrift shop. Let me tell you, most of the swimsuits I tried on there were practically brand new. You know why?? Because as they didn't fit me I am sure they didn't fit the woman who bought them so she didn't wear it. They probably did as I used to do and bought them without trying them on. I tried on four swimsuits there. All in my "size". They were all listed as 3X or a size 24W. I was ready to cry each time I put one on.

You do not get my size and not have a bunch of gobblely gook under your arms and rolls on the side of your back. I don't know about you, but I do not want to show the world this. I want a swimsuit that covers/hides it. Two of the swimsuits I tried on were halter style suits. This means they barely covered the "girls" and didn't cover any of the under the arms/side of the back stuff. Two of the bathing suits were shoulder straps but for some reason they felt they should put the boobs around the belly button. WTF??? I was really hoping I could find a swimsuit at the thrift shop as I have ambitious plans to not fit in it long.

Being here in this little city, we do not have a whole lot of options, so after leaving the thrift shop, wanting to cry, I decided to head over to Wally World to see what they had out. At the last moment I decided to turn left instead of right and ended up at Kohl's. Kohl's does not have a huge selection of plus size clothes, but they are usually a nice selection. I was about to give up on finding a swimsuit there when I accidentally came across a half rack of suits at the very very back of the section. I was looking at the sizes and became very irritated when most of the suits were a size 16 or 18, they had a couple of size 20s and ONE size 22. There happen to be a sales associate standing nearby and I asked her: "Is there a reason Kohl's stops at size 22? I mean there are several women here that are bigger than a size 22." She said: "I do not know, they must not be very popular." Being already depressed from the last store I did not, at the time, find this very humorous! I know she was referring to the swimsuits, but the way it came out I just wanted to bite her head off. Good thing I didn't.

She told me to try the suit on and if I found a style I liked we could scan the ticket and see what size they had it available online and they had free shipping. So I took the only size 22 they had to the dressing room. There is something to say for spending more money on a bathing suit. I tried on the swimsuit and just stared into the mirror. I couldn't believe it.. it actually fit and looked nice and covered everything that I wanted it to cover. For the first time in my life as a fat chick, I found a bathing suit that actually fit and looked nice. As it turned out, the same sales associate was in the dressing room as I was walking out very pleased with the suit. I stopped long enough to tell her I took back everything I said and I was very pleased with the swimsuit and thanked her for encouraging me to try it on.

On the next note: I am down 42.1 pounds today!!! I might change to weighing once a week as I am still struggling day to day with water weight, but I am pleased with my weight loss. Only 13.7 pounds to my first major weight loss goal that I plan to meet before my birthday. May 4th for all of you wanting to know! I am very excited about this! My current weight is 263.7. It is strange but I have to stop myself when I think about my weight. I keep thinking that I am still 300 pounds. I am now officially in the mid-200s. My next goal will be my grandson's birthday and I would like to be down 30 lbs by then. It is at the end of May so I think it is a pretty reasonable goal. I will have some great before and after photos then. I have not posted any pics of me from my grandson's first birthday because of how horrible I look in them. (Personal opinion I know)

I went to the doctor's office last week (not the surgeon) and he was very impressed with my weight loss. I was down 43 pounds by his scale in just over 2 months.

I am continuing my swimming, but it seems I only go about twice a week, maybe now I will go more with my very nice bathing suit. I have fixed my problem with the mask. I now use the cap, goggles, nose plug, snorkel and fins. I swim laps for about an hour then I go to the kiddie lap pool and use the dumbbells the pool provides and walk back and forth while keeping the dumbbells under water and working on different arm muscles. I may still look like a retard, but I feel very good while and after I am doing it and NOW I wont be flashing everyone at the pool.

Here are the photos:

My new swimsuit. I look at this and I really like the suit, of course I want to be a lot thinner, but it is what it is.



This is what they were seeing while wearing my other swimsuit. I felt very self-conscious wearing it like I was exposing too much on purpose.



My new swim gear.



My fins. These fins actually give my legs a great workout, much more so than swimming without them.



I am very very grateful I had the Sleeve Gastrectomy. I would recommend it to anyone considering weight loss options and they have a lot of weight to lose.