Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Why I Fail at Diets - Its Been One Week

So I have been on this liquid diet for one week. They say it gets easier, but I do not think so. I am still freakin' starving my ass off every single day. Then the last few days there has been no movement on the scale. I have lost a total of 8.2 lbs in this first week.

This may sound like a good weight loss. Some of you may think, "Why is she disappointed?" Well, I am. And this is probably the biggest reason I fail at diets. This is also the reason I need to get this surgery. After four days of starving myself, I plateaued. Yea yea I know all the reasons. My body went into starvation mode. This said very sarcastically. Because I really do not care that it went into starvation mode, I want the scale to freakin' move. Now I say freakin' on here to keep it PG, but trust me my mind is saying the other word. According to the boys' scale (I call it my BMI scale) I have only lost 5 lbs. Are you freakin' kidding me??

It's not worth it! And that is why I fail. There is no way in hell I would have stuck to the diet with so little weight loss in the first week. Can you tell I am a little grumpy? Just be glad you are not my kids or my ex-husband.

Don't worry. I will be sticking to this stupid liquid diet for the next week as I do not want to risk any injury to my liver. I still look forward to losing all this weight, and I know without a doubt that I need this weight loss surgery to get me there.

I have also come to a decision about posting before pictures. I sometimes sit and watch my screen saver go through all the photos on my laptop. Most of you reading this blog have seen me and know what I look like. So why am I afraid of posting a picture up here? Because then I (the "I" said with a lot of emphasis) have to see what I look like. I look at those pictures, and I don't really believe that I look like that. After forcing myself to look at the pictures as they scroll by, I realized I need to post these pictures just as I need to write this blog. To motivate me. To give me the reason I am sticking to this stupid diet. To justify why I am spending all this money on this surgery.

Since I have been this weight for a very long time, I do not have any clothes from when I was thinner. I do have some clothes I can wear during the first 40 lbs of weight loss, but nothing beyond that except for ... my 49ers varsity jacket. I have had this jacket for 25 years. I have not been able to wear it for at least 20 of those years if not more. For some reason I have kept it. I think I figured I would give it to one of my kids, and I would have but none of my kids want it. :) We took it out of the closet last night and dusted it off. I took a picture of it on me, then a picture of it on my daughter. This way I have something to use as a guiding image. My daughter is wearing a thick jacket under the 49er jacket. I want to be able to wear a thick jacket under my 49er jacket and still have it fit as loosely as it does on her.

Ok .. here it is.. the big reveal:

This is my daughter and how I want to look:

I really do appreciate all the support I receive from family and friends. I really appreciate my kids who deal with my moods when I am starving, and then deal with my disappointments on the scale.

I am a brilliant vibrant woman!


  1. I honestly feel your pain. But, I think your on your way to a great journey, and I'm so glad that I'm hear to see it.

    Keep up the fabulous work that you have done already.
    Love Aunt Brenda

  2. Hey I like that jacket, but no one wants to give it to me! haha. You are doing so good mom, I am so happy for you! I used to have days just a few months ago where I would get angry because I couldn't find anything to wear that I didn't look fat in. I would get so angry I would just sit there and curse out the stupid mirror cuz of how unhappy I was with how I looked. You probably don't think I would feel that way cuz you've always considered me "skinny" but I know some of your struggles and I'm so happy for you, because you've encouraged me to lose weight too. I love you mom:)