Saturday, January 8, 2011

Fasting for the lab and more reasons why I hate being fat!

One thing I have learned by my blogging experience is that for a person who does not like to write I am sure long winded!

I decided to get the lab work done that my new doc Jay(I know he is a physician assistant but he is doc Jay to me.) requested I get done. I am supposed to fast for 12 hours. Not a big problem if you stop eating at a normal time and go get the tests done early in the morning, but am I normal?? NO! I was doing good, but then the kids went out to eat late last night. They came home with leftovers and some sort of cookie/brownie dessert. It was midnight and Cherie asked if I wanted to try it. Without any thought to my fasting, I said sure. As soon as I finished it I remembered the 12 hour fasting. UG!! This is why I need the Sleeve Gastrectomy. I need help remembering that I am changing my eating behaviors. No more eating without thinking.

So twelve hours later, I am a very unhappy camper. I am very very hungry and am on my way to the lab which doesn't take reservations to get poked. Even though I have lived in the St. George area for many years I am still surprised when I have no waiting to get into the "first come, first serve" lab. Maybe because everyone else is normal and gets there as soon as it opens! The process went pretty smooth until the urine collection came.

Well.. do I totally embarrass myself and let anyone who reads this know how very very thankful I am this was not a "clean catch" urine sample they needed. Because believe you me, its difficult to get one hand down there but IMPOSSIBLE to get two hands down there. My arms are just not long enough to get around all this fat and then down far enough to .. one.. hold myself open while .. two collecting the sample. If they call me back because they need a "clean catch" someone is going to have to help! There isn't anyone I know that I would be OK with helping me do this. I do not need the urine analysis bad enough, thats just all there is to it!

As I am thankfully walking out of the lab after only 20 minutes, a memory of another embarrassing fat moment floods me. Years ago.. 2002 or 2003 .. I was on a business trip with some coworkers. We are driving back to St. George, Utah from San Diego, California. We decided to stop in Primm, Nevada known for its roller coaster called the Desperado. It used to be in the Guiness Book of World Records for being the world's tallest, fastest, and steepest roller coaster. I decided that since we were stopped there I was going to try out the roller coaster. Fortunately for me and my embarrassment none of my coworkers came with me. This is an older roller coaster, but I was excited to try it out. Well apparently back when they built it, fat people did not ride roller coasters. Its my turn and I had to sit in the front seat of course. I get in and I try to buckle the seat belt and it does NOT fit. I start to panic. What if they start to go with me not buckled in?? Thankfully they did have a belt checker who came over to check me and I told him my belt doesn't fit so I will have to get off. I was just about to get out when a guy a few seats behind me says "Oh I had a friend who had the same problem. They just took the seat cushion out." At this point, I am too embarrassed to say thats OK and let the belt checker guy get me out so he can remove the seat cushion. I get back in the seat without any seat cushion and fortunately the belt just fit and I was able to ride. Of course, I was embarrassed, but still told the whole story to my coworkers who missed all the excitement.

Now this story reminds me of another embarrassing roller coaster adventure. My friend Jennifer and her boyfriend invite me to go to Las Vegas with them. They were determined to ride all the rides at the top of the Stratosphere. For those of you who have not seen the Stratosphere, it is a tower that is over 1,100 feet above the ground. Most of the rides jut off the side of this tower. I went on the Big Shot first as it just went straight up. No problems here. I fit just fine in the seat, but that was probably the scariest feeling every. No more Big Shots for me whether on the ground or on top of a tower. I bought the picture for my own amusement but will probably never ever post it anywhere.. just imagine a woman my size and flabbiness flying straight down with all that negative 'G' force in effect .. not a pretty picture trust me.

Next we go out on the Insanity. This is like a swing ride that reaches out over the side of the tower so you are facing the ground when it is in full swing. I also bought the picture of this one with me holding for dear life to the back of the seat as all that is holding me from falling over 1,000 feet is some small bar. Are they prepared for someone my size?? Has it been tested out with someone of my weight?? What the hell was I thinking??? Finally the ride is over and they are pulling us in BUT the ride won't come all the way in. Its stuck. Ok maybe this is a little narcissistic of me, but did it not come in all the way because it wasn't used to dealing with the weight it had on it? These may be unreasonable thoughts.. but they were my thoughts. It takes a few minutes, but they finally get us pulled in all the way and we disembark the ride.

You would think that I have learned my lesson and quite the rides. But NO.. I still have one more ticket left and its for X-Scream. It is an 8 person ride that shoots off the side of the tower. It looks like one car of a roller coaster. My friends and I go to get on the ride but the ride operator asks me to sit in the back seat. That would be the best place for me to sit he suggests. I agreed and went to the back seat. I sit down and the guy tries to push the bar down over my lap. Guess what? It doesn't fit. I said maybe I shouldn't go on this ride he says "oh no, we will get you buckled in." He calls over his coworker and both of them are pushing down on the bar over my lap to get it to click. Holy cow! Finally after several tries, they hear it click. I am now buckled in to their satisfaction. I am of course running the same lines through my head. What if my weight causes this stupid ride to break and it falls off the end and we shoot to our deaths!

The common theme. Even if its not a problem for others, in my mind it is a huge problem. After that experience, I vowed that I would not go on another roller coaster ride until I lost at least 100 lbs.

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