The first day of my new life

I made it through my first day!!

This was also the first day I got to sleep in but I forgot to turn off my alarm so I woke up at 7:15.. not a great start. But it was the first day of my new life so up I get.

I love making Excel charts to track my weight loss so after my weigh-in, I set up my spreadsheet. Of course all I have to do is copy my old spreadsheet, as I have several of them. I have learned some new tricks from taking an Excel class last fall, so now the equations are bigger and better. I also have two scales to track.

I first purchased the Weight Watcher scale. It's good looking, but purchased it because it can handle up to 400 lbs and measures weight in .1 pound increments. Every little bit helps. No I am not up near the 400 lb range, but I figured if it can handle that it will be more accurate. My next trip through Costco I found a more interesting scale. This one calculates weight, body fat percentage, water percentage, muscle percentage, body mass index (BMI) and how many calories you need to eat to maintain that weight according to the activity code you put in. I have never really believed that those little metal things, whether handheld or step on, can really track your BMI etc. I think they work just like the little piece of paper I have that tracks weight versus height. I originally thought I would return the Weight Watcher scale, but decided I didn't want to have to go through the hassle of going through the steps to weigh myself each day with this one, so I kept the Weight Watchers scale in my bathroom and showed the boys how cool the other scale was so they would keep it in their bathroom. :)

Of course, I have to have a spreadsheet for each scale now. I have decided to weigh myself daily on my scale, and use the boys' scale for weekly measurements. My daily spreadsheet just counts weight. I have two charts on it, one showing weight so the chart will go down, and one showing my weight loss so the chart will go up. The other spreadsheet, I call BMI, has all the other measurements. I have not made any charts up for this one yet as its new.

So, I have struggled with giving my starting weight. I chide myself over this because .. what the hell .. I told you all about my poop oil in the bathtub story. How could this possibly be worse. But as I sit here and type this I am still pondering whether to tell or not. I can feel my blood pressure rising. So I am just going to get it over with and spill the beans. My starting weight is......

305.8 on my scale and 305.2 on the boys' scale. There its done! Ug!

I took my first ever "in the mirror" pictures. I have always teased people about taking "in the mirror" pictures, but I was by myself and wanted a real starting full body picture. It just so happened that my son came home for lunch and took a couple of pictures on my cell phone for me. Ug!! Of course the pics I have posted here and on Facebook look way better as I always make sure only to post the pics that really do not show my weight. My boys know to only take pics from a downward angle so not to show the double chin and to only get a face and shoulders shot. I have some awesome before pictures though. Christmas morning they were taking candid shots, or not so candid shots of me holding my presents and all I can say is HOLY COW! When my screen saver comes on it shows these pics and every single time I see them, I have to shake my head. How the hell did I let myself get this big?!?!? Damn! Somehow I have fooled myself into thinking that if I only take the "don't show my weight" pics I didn't really look that big. Everyone else who is around me sees it, but I didn't see it. I still haven't sent the pics from my phone to my email so that I can look at them full size. :( I'm scared.

Next, I decide that I need to take my measurements. In my handy-dandy notebook they gave me they suggest which measurements to take starting with each wrist. It is amazing to me still, even at being this weight for a long time, how difficult having this weight on makes simple things like taking measurements. Even as simple as measuring my wrists. Well I am sure part of this weight loss I had this day is due in part to taking my measurements. I am sure I burnt up a ton of calories trying to finagle the measuring tape around me. Wrist, arms, um.. chest? Bra on or off?? Let me tell you there is a big difference. Where to measure?? Should the girls be up there where they are suppose to be? I decide to take three measurements. One directly under the arms and above the girls. One over the girls with a loose fitting bra on, and one under the girls or the rib cage. The worksheet asks for bra size. Well I can't give the size of the bra I wear because it is not the right size. I know this but it is impossible to get a bra in my area that fit my measurements. According to the measurements I took yesterday I should wear a size 46 J. I have a 42 J in my closet that I can wear, but its very tight right now. It also takes five whole minutes to put on. I thought about getting a new bra, but I am going to wait for a bit and just wear my ill fitting Just My Size bra for a while longer. The waist and hips measurements go ok as the gave me a extra long measuring tape. Then comes the thighs. If you read a few posts ago about the "clean catch" deal, you will understand why this was very difficult. One hand ok.. two hands.. impossible. Well not impossible as I did get the measurements, but DAMN! Calf and ankle were a little better.

So off to the spreadsheet I go to track all my measurements. As I mentioned earlier, I have several of these spreadsheets, so a small part of my brain is telling me .. here we go again .. with all high hopes .. is failure around the corner again? How long will this tracking last for? It's like dating. You want to be open to success, but part of your heart stays guarded because you do not want to be hurt. I want to hope for success, but I want to guard against the feelings of failure. After all, my mother had the Lap Band and didn't lose any weight last year at all. I feel almost bi-polar in my thoughts. I know I am going to succeed this time. I worry that I am not.

Well, on to my first day of no food. It was a bitch! I was freaking hungry all day. I bought the already prepared 8-ounce Glucerna shakes. In the past when I have done the shake diets, I usually made them. This way they were way bigger than the eight ounces you are suppose to have. I also used 2% milk when making them. This time, I wanted to stick to the recommended diet. I had two shakes before work. Went to work at 1 p.m. and had two shakes there. Then had the final two shakes at 7 and 9 p.m. I also had a cup of chicken broth with my last shake. I drank several bottles of water through out the day. I followed the diet to a "T", but it was hard, and I was very hungry all day. I took my son shopping for the Junior Prom, and all I could see were the restaurants signs everywhere. It sucked.. but I made it!

I woke up this morning hungry. I have decided to try using the HCG drops I purchased some time ago when I thought I was going to lose weight with that diet. I am hoping it will help curb my appetite so I won't feel so hungry.

My daily weigh-in .. 302.5 so I lost 3.3 lbs.

I was chunky as a kid, but lost weight while in high school. In high school I weighed around 120. When I met my husband, at 17, I weighed 135. Three years later I weighed 175. I remember buying my wedding gown from the JC Penny catalog. The largest size they had was a size 20. I purchased the gown then had to take it into the alterations shop to have it expanded. The little Mexican lady asked me why I didn't just buy one that fit me. They didn't have it. When I had my first kid, at 24, I weighed 220. I do believe that is the weight I kept during all my pregnancies. I didn't gain weight during my pregnancies because the baby raised my metabolism. It is common with women who are obese to not gain alot of weight during pregnancy. I actually weighed less right after giving birth than I did when I got pregnant. When my kids were in elementary school I went back to work. I was 33. I gained and gained until I was almost 300 lbs. I wasn't 300 lbs and would get mad when doctors or nurses would round my weight to 300. I was 298 dammit!! Twice I got down to 250, but not for long. Last year, my home scale went over the 300 lb mark a couple of times. This is one of those times, obviously.

I am off to start day two! Only 167.5 lbs to go!!